Musings

I got a call bright and early last Saturday. Thanks to technology, I knew who was calling. Errrgh. It was SL. I stared at the number and refused to pick up the call.
Minutes later, my phone beeped. As I guessed it, a voicemail message from SL. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to retrieve the message.
Ah yes, the voice was the same. Same old person. She was rambling about some Xmas party plan. Would I please call her back soon?
I deleted that message once I got it. I don’t usually act this horribly when it comes to friends but I have known SL since we were in university about a decade ago.
And I regret knowing her.
At this point, you’ll probably be raising your eye brows quizzically. What is so horrible about SL that makes me regret ever meeting her? And if you know me, I am a rather easygoing, adaptable and ‘cin cai’ person. I would not badmouth a person if I can help it. Because what goes around comes around. And I am a Buddhist who strongly believes in karma.
But SL takes the cake because she’s a toxic friend. She’s the type of person that is sneaky and conniving, using friendship as a disguise to put other people down, stomp on their confidence and destroy whatever positive things they have.
I used to think that she was just a little bit tough to get on with. But over the years, she has not shown any improvement in her personality. Her abrasiveness and bluntness is not a trait that is loved, judging by the number of friends who came for her wedding.
That’s why I avoided her all these years. She once duped me to join her for lunch only to sit through some dumb MLM presentation of hers. (I don’t like MLM or insurance schemes or mutual funds. And everyone I know seems to have aversions for these things too. But MLMers think the next best MLM business is just around the corner.) Well, SL has tried everything in MLM – she sold gold coins (which were later found out to be a fraudulent scheme), she tried cosmetics, she tried selling technology devices.
She even tried to make her fortune in the States only to find herself back in Malaysia 3 months later because “the weather’s too cold and anyway I got pregnant and I wanted to be near my family here.” Whatever.
I tend to be forgiving most times. So two years after avoiding her, I thought she’d repented. One day she called me up and asked for a recommendation. The company she worked with needed to produce a company video for trade show purposes and did I know anyone to refer to her?
I slipped up. I thought she had become better. So I gave her LSM’s name and contact. She said she’d contact LSM directly and liaise with her.
Two months later, I hear that SL had shown her stripes again. She had called LSM and wanted to meet. LSM, being a good marketing executive, drove from Penang to Juru where SL’s company was located. What happened was sheer audacity on SL’s part. She yelled at my friend for being 3 minutes’ late. She shouted at her and told her to apologize to her bosses! She acted high and mighty although LSM revealed later that it was more of a Chinaman company that had no inkling whatsoever about marketing. They thought getting a video done cheaply would enhance their stature internationally at trade shows.
When I heard that, I was mad. Here I was trying to help her help her company and she took out her anger on my friend, a personal recommendation. Talk about ingrates.
After that episode, she didn’t call me. After all I knew that she would only call IF she had something to ask or wanted help.
I never want to talk or see her again. I don’t want to hear her whine about another failed MLM venture. I never want to see her face again. I never even want to say hello to her ever. It’s the awful truth but she’s highly toxic. She can ruin the most perfect day when she opens her mouth. And that’s because she doesn’t have anything good to say about others. Which is a pity because if only she learnt to be grateful, to be happy and to be a real friend.
I’ve been Miss Nice for too long and people take advantage of that. Yes, I guess at 32 ++, I have had enough experience to tell myself honestly that I only want genuine friends who make my day; not tyrants and prima donnas who think they’re the cat’s whiskers. And at 32++, I feel confident enough to say “enough is enough”.
If you have a toxic friend, get rid of them – phase them out of your life and see your life improve dramatically. You’re too good to be hanging around riff-raff!

Kate sms-ed me yesterday (thanks dear! You’re my eye on the Net) and asked me to check my blog – saying that it seems my posts were dated 29 October instead of the more recent ones.
Actually, it’s a complicated explanation but let’s get to the real thing – software updates to the blog and all that made the whole blog revert back to the last saved version – yes, the backup was until 29 October. That’s why Kate saw posts of 29 October. Sorry dear for giving you a heart attack. Didn’t mean to.
But after updating the blog software and all that, I also realised the backup didn’t include my most recent post on the Waseda Brass Band and it was too recent to be cached by Google; otherwise I’d just go and copy that off the cache version from Google and be truly happy.
Yes, everything has been restored except that most recent post on Waseda Brass Band which I unfortunately forgot to do manual backup. You know, copy and paste the whole blog post into MS Word. Sigh. So I have to now rewrite the piece. From memory.
My minor ‘arrrghs’ with technology is nothing new. It’s almost routine sometimes that I have to absolutely laugh at myself (crying won’t do any good – the laptop doesn’t have much emotions anyway when it ‘hangs’!). I am sure many of you who work with computers and technology have your own horror stories to tell. A friend of mine watched her whole assignment go down the drain due to a corrupted disk two years ago. She had to re-type the assignment the whole night as it was due the next morning! Talk about bad luck!
Yes, I may work intensely with computers and technology but I too have this crazy fear that one day all my work will be gone. So folks, the mantra is – backup, backup and backup. Yes, it is tedious, it is the thing you hate most but if you want to save yourself some major heartache, backup your important files every week or every month. Have two backups too – one at home and one at a remote location, maybe your office. Just in case, you know.
As for blogs, WordPress has a one-click backup utility which is very helpful. I don’t know about other blogs but WordPress has always been my number one blog choice. It’s really made for people like you and me. Intuitive and very lovely interfaces, WordPress does make life easier.
In case your blog is still unable to help you backup with one click, you can do it my regular way. Blog into your MS Word or OpenOffice document and then copy and paste into your blog. This way, you’ll always have a version on your PC no matter what happens. I do this for my Blogspot blog (yes, I have a separate blog for my soup recipes! I know, I must be nuts to have so many blogs to write for but I am not the only one. Many bloggers I know do that.)
Or the other way is type everything into your blog and then when you’re satisfied that it’s your finalised text, copy and paste it into Notepad, MS Word or whatever word processor you are using. This way is perfect for people who are perfectionists and like to change things at the last minute.
Anyway, people do forget about backups and doing what they should. So have I. That’s why my Waseda Brass Band Concert which I attended last Friday at USM’s Dewan Budaya is missing. I do hope to get it back into the blog again by this evening.
Until then, BACKUP, BACKUP and BACKUP.
While you’re at it, you must go and learn the Tao of Backup…. it’s funny but oh-so-true. Learn it at http://taobackup.com/
PS: While I am at it, I might be changing the blog skin sometime soon. Yep, in time for 2007. And one more thing, I didn’t manage to save the Comments all you kind folks left for me, especially for the last few posts. So absolutely sorry. And you know, Comments are what keep me going. At least I know people read and have a reaction towards what I blog about.

This used to be a ramshackle place where the roof is the blue sky and the big pokok sena tree. Well, it isn’t so rundown now because they’ve put a zinc roof to shield their customers from the sun and rain. Plus the old house is no longer there. Still, the Argyll Road roti canai is a lepak place for breakfast.

Cleanliness levels may not be high – yes, this is a Malaysian roadside stall we are talking about here – but the food is yummy.

Ambience-wise, they do have something going on although the old house is torn down and the area partially fenced up. You can get a soft breeze on good days.

The Indian-Muslims of this place sell regular Malaysian breakfast fare such as roti canai, roti telur and murtabak. Their chicken curry is good but Nic says their kopi is even better. Me, I’m not a coffee drinker so I took a sip but didn’t find it fantastic. My milky-rich tea was creamy enough though I do wish these mamak fellas would go slow on the sugar.

You get a sizeable crowd of Malaysians here for breakfast – Chinese families with kids in tow, dating Malay couples, elderly Indians. Everyone just enjoys the food under whatever’s left of the pokok sena (the tree is still there, intact).

Maybe the crowds return because the prices are reasonable and the roti is good (the roti telur is fragrant and crispy! Good enough on its own without lashings of curry or dhal). Roti canai under the big pokok sena – this is Georgetown, Penang, after all!


How to get there: From Upper Penang Road, go past Cititel Hotel and the Indian cinema/Odeon. Turn right into Argyll Road when you see an Indian restaurant on your right. You will see a big parking lot on your left after you turn into the road. The roti canai stall is about 100m from the turn-in.

Lisa and I didn’t plan it – it was just a spur of the moment idea. Like all ideas for fun, I was thinking of doing something different this Raya holiday. And vegetating in front of the TV watching old P.Ramlee movies just didn’t sound like much fun although I love those old black-and-white movies (funnier than those awful Scenario movies any day!).
We decided to head for Redbox at Gurney Plaza to sing our hearts’ out last night. For me, this was quite funny because here we were (Nic and I) of Redbox Studio going with Lisa to Red Box Karaoke! Definitely something to remember! (I say this because lots of people mistake us for Red Box the Karaoke. It’s not even funny anymore. But we do get a kick out of explaining that we registered the name Redbox Studio back in 1998 way before this Hong Kong business came to Malaysia.)
Lisa had booked a room yesterday morning so it was just a matter of getting the two perky, Hongkie-like reception girls to confirm our booking and send us along to Singing Haven (actually, it was Room 58). We decided it was going to be a splurge and took the dinner buffet package at RM42++ per person. (In the end, with titbits which you must order, the whole night of karaoke-ing cost us each RM58.)
(As an aside, what is it with Red Box and the Canto-speaking staff? I’m Cantonese too but I would have thought their staff would at least speak Hokkien – this is Penang, not Tsim Tsar Tsui – or Mandarin. But no, they TOOK every opportunity to speak Cantonese! Probably they were trained to do so, Nic says.Still, it was disturbing to hear Cantonese spoken with such mad enthusiasm!)
And so Lisa and I began our 4-hour Happy Hour singing marathon. Oh, the songs we chose were so reminiscent of our upbringing and eras! Tellingly, we chose songs which we liked, but that didn’t mean we sang them well! Lisa loved Barry Manilow so she started off with a few Manilow songs while I chose songs which reminded me of growing up in the 70s and 80s. We enthusiastically did Ricky Martin’s Ale ale ale World Cup song and we sang Copacobana with wild abandon. We tried a few golden oldies – those sad love songs which bordered on soppiness but we couldn’t care less. It was our Happy Hour, it was our room for the night and we were there to de-stress!
Nic was happily having his extended dinner from the buffet line and commenting that the food was actually delicious despite being a bit over-salty. The buffet wasn’t exceptionally large but offered a range of salads, rice, noodles, cakes, ice cream to herbal soups! I don’t want to speculate if their chinese herbal soup has much ajinomoto but it sure was piping hot and great to soothe parched throats after singing!
What I didn’t like was the titbits charges – RM7 per person for some pathetic murukku and chips. What I didn’t like was that their staff kept barging into our room and this happened about 4-5 times for one reason or another. They came in to clear our plates, they came in to ask if we wanted to apply for the Red Box member card, they came in to give us the application form etc. Couldn’t these be done at the front desk later? Don’t spoil the mood, man!
At the end of the 4-hours, we still hadn’t had enough of singing. Lisa tried to end the session with a few firm favourites (“Oh you must do Celine Dion’s My Heart Must Go on, it’s absolutely must!”) and we tried some Malay numbers too. I wanted Peterpan’s songs but couldn’t find them in time. We did manage to sing Hijau, Lagenda, Sinaran and Ikhlas Tapi Jauh though. Damn I feel old. We did manage to do Hoobastank’s The Reason and Avril’s Complicated, both angst-ridding songs which is so superb for yelling one’s lungs out. OK, that put me back firmly as a child of this era.
And yes, we did Abba’s Dancing Queen too.

I hadn’t really planned on going for it – my Friday was already hectic enough as it was. I had rushed downtown to attend our monthly WomenBizSENSE meeting at Jo’s shop and it had truly been an exhausting day. When that meeting was over and done with, I was up and running again – this time, going over to a client’s place to get some photos from her photo collection and confirming details of the website project we were doing for her.
Plus it was so hazy last Friday.
And on going home, I was stuck in the Scotland Road traffic jam. That jam happens every evening like clockwork. And I had to run to my Grandma’s place to pick up a very important fax.
ANYWAY… when Jana called me that evening, I was tired. I needed a shower. I needed to be still for a while, to really catch my breath.
But Jana being Jana, her enthusiasm was infectious. I told her if it was too arty-farty I’d leave. “No, it’s really good,” she gushed. So OK, I told Nic we were going for the FFF (Freedom Film Festival) that night. Even though I though having mooncakes and tea was truly what I needed. Yes, it was Mooncake Festival Night. It was the 15th day of the 8th lunar month. The first time I was not savoring mooncakes on the 15th of the 8th lunar month. How strange!
The three-day film festival at The Actors Studio Greenhall started on that Friday morning and short films by amateur filmmakers were shown throughout the day. After an hour of screening, the audience would be given the chance to debate and deconstruct the films. Sometimes the film-makers themselves would turn up and moderate the discussions.
Of course the topics and short films were controversial, eye-opening and alternative. I had the good fortune to sit in on Friday night’s films and Sunday afternoon’s films. Both days, the films were equally provocative although most times we being Malaysians, we tended to discuss politely and never went beyond our sense of self-propriety!
Yet, the films gave me an insight on matters which I had never paid attention to. For instance, Andrew Sia’s Kopi O Khau Sikit Kurang Manis talked about the police. Or rather, who’s going to police the police. He did it in a tongue-in-cheek style, with hip-hop music but it didn’t detract from the serious message – the worry over rising crime, where’s our police, who is going to jaga the police. Also, perennial Malaysian issues of corruption – what should we do about it? Do we shaddap and just give duit kopi or do we play good citizen and ask for a summon, only to be slapped in the face when there is a Malaysia Megasale Police Discount on Summons (instead of RM150, you just pay RM30).
Another interesting and extremely powerful film was Elli Safari’s film – Portrait of Amina Wadud. Amina Wadud is an African American Muslim woman who brought the issues of women’s rights into the masjid. She made news when she led a mixed gender congregation in New York in 2005. As a result of her action, and her constant questioning of the male exclusivity within the religion, she has been somewhat of a cause celebre plus the target of death threats and violence.
The film, all of 29 minutes, shows Amina Wadud (Professor actually) as a woman, a human being, a professor and a Muslim. It explained why she believes that women, just like men, should be able to lead a prayer congregration. But this film packed a mean punch in the last 30 seconds before it ended. When it did, all of us started clapping. It was a damn powerful last line. Like a tornado, it hit one straight between the eyes and to understand, one had to link the whole film, her words and action back to this one simple sentence she says at the end. If you can, do view this film.
Of course there were many other memorable films too like Said Zahari’s 17 Years by Martyn See and Medium of Love by Elli Safari. I had never heard of Said Zahari before this yet the interview with this 78-year old Malay man, a Singaporean citizen, shed light on ISA and Lee Kuan Yew. Said is a political prisoner who was jailed for 17 years without trial. He is now freed but resides in Malaysia.
Elli Safari has now made me a fan of hers (I hope it is a her!) through Medium of Love which is one Iranian clergy’s attempt to teach religion using cinema and films. Ali Afsahi’s poignant recount of his love for films and his new and almost radical way of disseminating and teaching religious values came to nothing because the Government started accusing him of spreading Western smut. And so it is with gatekeepers.
KOMAS (http://www.komas.org) is the organiser of this FFF and they’ve done a fantastic job in bringing thought-provoking films on gender equality, women’s rights, workers’ rights, issues of refugees, people and culture and lots more to joe public. I heard that they will be compiling a DVD of the films soon. Get a copy from KOMAS if you can.
Find out more about the FFF at http://freedomfilmfest.komas.org/Archive.html
(Unfortunately ,the screenings are over but I do hope they’ll bring the FFF to other cities in Malaysia. Worth the donation you give!)

I had started this post earlier and then went off to the other PC to do some work. When I came back, the laptop had “gone to sleep” and wouldn’t wake up! So what’s a girl to do right but start all over again!
Ah, technology! (Mentally screams)
Here’s a question: when is stealing permissible?
If you’re like me, you would say, whenever has stealing been permissible? I’ve been taught that stealing is never all right. No matter what the circumstances.
But I’ve been “stolen” from when I was younger.
In those days, I used to write like what I do now. The difference was, I didn’t have the Internet then. I contributed to Starchild in my tween years and then ahem, graduated to (the now defunct) Malaysian Post. I’d submit opinion pieces, writings about friendship, life as a teenager, and more. I’d be whooping for joy if they printed my article. I’d clip them out and save them in a folder.
One day I was flipping through Malaysian Post and chanced on a very familiar article. The words were mine. The style was mine. But holy moly, the byline wasn’t mine! Ooh, you should have seen how upset I got. My blood pressure went through the roof. This plagiariser stole my words and submitted them to Malaysian Post. Immediately I sat down to pen a vicious letter to the editor, howling about how this preposterous thing was happening and the audacity of the writer to steal my words, my thoughts, my article and make it into his!
That’s how we writers operate. We cling to our articles, our stories, our ‘babies’ like a fierce tigress. We find no solace in others’ flattery when they COPY our work.
Plagiarism is also abhorred in academia (and it’s quite a serious offence too!). You quote someone else’s research (yes you attribute that line, that idea, that paragraph to them) because you cannot steal what isn’t yours.
I had heard of a senior of mine whose dissertation was thrashed by an examiner who found that most paragraphs were lifted off other research, without proper attribution. She should have known better. It was that fear that drove our supervisors to drill into our heads that if in doubt, quote. Use quote marks. Or paraphrase and attribute. If you used more than 6 words from the original sentence or paragraph, you better do something like rewrite or find some fast synonyms! This drove us all crazy for a while because the fear of plagiarising unintentianally gave us all writer’s block. I couldn’t type a paragraph without fearing if I’d accidentally said the same idea in the same words as the original author.
Anyway, I heard of another act of plagiarism yesterday from a friend/client. His friend – a popular Star columnist – was being ripped off by someone who had set up a blog pretending to be her! As this columnist had her stories published in The Star weekly, the fiend (yes, and imposter and plagiarist too) who set up a blog under this columnist’s name just copies and pastes the weekly stories into the blog. Many of the columnist’s friends were first delighted to have found “her” blog and happily emailed her. The poor woman told her friends that she never had a blog. Imagine her surprise when she found the blog, using her name and her stories!
It’s really a Catch-22 for her. If she set up her blog now, SHE would be labelled the imposter (and who’s to prove who is who online anyway?). Maybe she should leave spiteful comments on the blog to point them back to her website/blog. Any ideas people?