When Friends Are Toxic…

I got a call bright and early last Saturday. Thanks to technology, I knew who was calling. Errrgh. It was SL. I stared at the number and refused to pick up the call.
Minutes later, my phone beeped. As I guessed it, a voicemail message from SL. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to retrieve the message.
Ah yes, the voice was the same. Same old person. She was rambling about some Xmas party plan. Would I please call her back soon?
I deleted that message once I got it. I don’t usually act this horribly when it comes to friends but I have known SL since we were in university about a decade ago.
And I regret knowing her.
At this point, you’ll probably be raising your eye brows quizzically. What is so horrible about SL that makes me regret ever meeting her? And if you know me, I am a rather easygoing, adaptable and ‘cin cai’ person. I would not badmouth a person if I can help it. Because what goes around comes around. And I am a Buddhist who strongly believes in karma.
But SL takes the cake because she’s a toxic friend. She’s the type of person that is sneaky and conniving, using friendship as a disguise to put other people down, stomp on their confidence and destroy whatever positive things they have.
I used to think that she was just a little bit tough to get on with. But over the years, she has not shown any improvement in her personality. Her abrasiveness and bluntness is not a trait that is loved, judging by the number of friends who came for her wedding.
That’s why I avoided her all these years. She once duped me to join her for lunch only to sit through some dumb MLM presentation of hers. (I don’t like MLM or insurance schemes or mutual funds. And everyone I know seems to have aversions for these things too. But MLMers think the next best MLM business is just around the corner.) Well, SL has tried everything in MLM – she sold gold coins (which were later found out to be a fraudulent scheme), she tried cosmetics, she tried selling technology devices.
She even tried to make her fortune in the States only to find herself back in Malaysia 3 months later because “the weather’s too cold and anyway I got pregnant and I wanted to be near my family here.” Whatever.
I tend to be forgiving most times. So two years after avoiding her, I thought she’d repented. One day she called me up and asked for a recommendation. The company she worked with needed to produce a company video for trade show purposes and did I know anyone to refer to her?
I slipped up. I thought she had become better. So I gave her LSM’s name and contact. She said she’d contact LSM directly and liaise with her.
Two months later, I hear that SL had shown her stripes again. She had called LSM and wanted to meet. LSM, being a good marketing executive, drove from Penang to Juru where SL’s company was located. What happened was sheer audacity on SL’s part. She yelled at my friend for being 3 minutes’ late. She shouted at her and told her to apologize to her bosses! She acted high and mighty although LSM revealed later that it was more of a Chinaman company that had no inkling whatsoever about marketing. They thought getting a video done cheaply would enhance their stature internationally at trade shows.
When I heard that, I was mad. Here I was trying to help her help her company and she took out her anger on my friend, a personal recommendation. Talk about ingrates.
After that episode, she didn’t call me. After all I knew that she would only call IF she had something to ask or wanted help.
I never want to talk or see her again. I don’t want to hear her whine about another failed MLM venture. I never want to see her face again. I never even want to say hello to her ever. It’s the awful truth but she’s highly toxic. She can ruin the most perfect day when she opens her mouth. And that’s because she doesn’t have anything good to say about others. Which is a pity because if only she learnt to be grateful, to be happy and to be a real friend.
I’ve been Miss Nice for too long and people take advantage of that. Yes, I guess at 32 ++, I have had enough experience to tell myself honestly that I only want genuine friends who make my day; not tyrants and prima donnas who think they’re the cat’s whiskers. And at 32++, I feel confident enough to say “enough is enough”.
If you have a toxic friend, get rid of them – phase them out of your life and see your life improve dramatically. You’re too good to be hanging around riff-raff!

14 thoughts on “When Friends Are Toxic…”

  1. My dear lady, this is the first time I see a different facet of the sweet angel krista. This friend must really have been pissing you off in the wrong sides till you can have an aversion to her. Nevertheless, the saying goes, “Others need your permission to make you upset”. Therefore, grant not such permission to SL and you will be immuned.

  2. this gurl huh? 3 mins also wanna claim glory on other people. lol.
    btw, who is SL? lol. do i know her? at least i can be on the lookout.

  3. Hah, yes, I’ve decided that once in a while must release some stress by blogging about it. She has also pissed off so many of our friends during our varsity days that no one wants to hear about her any more! I am immune to her but I think it’s good to remind myself of ALL the great pals I have because she is such a contrast to all my wonderful friends!

  4. Whoa, you have tolerated her for so long! I salute you! I used to know someone like that back in secondary school and the longest period of time I could tolerate her was for two years. After that, I simply disregard her existence and went on doing my own thing. She doesn’t stop there though, she went on trying to make other people’s lives hell and every time I see her I feel more sorry for her than anger. Yes, you’re right, such people do remind you about the good, genuine friends you have around you. Apparently, she has “repented”. I don’t know how true that is…but I don’t care! =P Rock on, Krista!
    p/s: I like green. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. Hi Vern: Yes, I did. I thought she would change her ways but see, a tiger never loses its stripes. A pig won’t fly either. And she’s still (sigh) HER. After marriage, motherhood and plenty of job changes, SL still thinks the world owes her a living. I pity her daughter. I think growing up with such a mother can be devastating. Yes, I always give people second chances but it doesn’t work for some stubborn friends. Our lives are TOO precious to waste on toxic people like that! And thank you for being you….

  6. walauweh….new layout huh? so citrusy modern!! LOL, very very nice indeed.
    i hv in fact put in my komen for the last few posts….it appeared alrite after submission, but its all gone. perhaps u may wanna cek.

  7. Hi Keat
    Danke for the heads-up. Most comments are moderated and approved by yours truly first to prevent spam. Sometimes I lupa to go and approve comments not caught by my spam catcher Akismet.

  8. Ahhhhhhhhh. I felt sorry for you until I read that SL had kids. Now my sympathy has passed down to the next generation. I’m surprised you even use the word ‘friend’ there personally!

  9. Aiyo…you actually gave that woman a second chance??? Some friends are better left…..untouch, especially those that you know they have other agenda in mind.
    But bless you dear for being kind.
    See you guys next week…back in KL oledi. Singapore was….nice!

  10. Hi Maya,
    well , this type of fren if politely , we will call shadow-fren because they only appear when they need u and always go behind you . If unpolitely , then we will call PKM. And what is PKM ? P*KIMAK lah …. Basically , we will call them PKM. Easy to refer and straight forward …Infact , all the PKM are the same in this world , even those related to them whether their uncle or father or mom or auntie on the same blood line tree. I guessed that they might be a long lost brother or sister or same family in the past life. I also have these type of friends and in fact , a lot of them too….They will appear in your life when they need you. They will kehsi kehsi call you and pretend to ask you , how are you lah , you take lunch liau boey lah , i got this want to show you lah , in fact those who never call you for so long and you will feel bulu naik when you receive their call.
    Who am I ? The guy that organised the shelter home activities lately. he he he…
    And my advise is ” to kena them back ” , otherwise they will come back again !

  11. Hi Robert Langdon
    Yeah, this type of friend is the worst type to have! I got two missed calls from her again late last week. Did NOT pick up my phone. She SMSed me naturally. I did not reply. You know what it said: “SY and I will be in Penang on 22 Dec. with our kids. We want to come over to your place.” None of the “can we please come and visit?” – it’s straightaway, we want to come over…. would I let her enter my house? No way. So I erased the SMS.

  12. Hi Maya,
    Like most things in life, when you ignore them long enough they will go away……hopefully with this person…..
    If she still does not get the hint…best to be as honest and as blunt as possible.

  13. Ya Maya ,
    Put a ” No PKM” or ” Balik Kampung boooooo !! ” signboard in front of your house.
    Wah, the more you say about this type of people , i lagi hot when thought about my PKM friend…. I think i need a bucket of ice to cool it off.. Hello , any Cold Carlsberg or Tiger out there ?
    Rob Lang


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