Why I Stayed…And Other Such Rubbish

I know I’m supposed to regale you with my traveller’s log but I had to interrupt and put that on hold for a while while I get this off my chest.
This topic bugged me to no end especially after I watched last night’s Oprah Winfrey show where this pastor’s wife spoke about her husband’s infidelity and wrote a book titled “Why I Stayed”. Yes, you guessed it right. She stayed put in the marriage after her husband confessed that he took drugs and had a gay lover!
“I loved him and I still do.” She said something to that effect.
Of course locally we don’t have to look too far for such marital trangressions.
What I still cannot understand (and no, don’t tell me that personal is personal and public is public because when one is in the public eye, everything is public but try telling this to our Malaysian politicians!) is that some have the gall to bounce back victoriously!
Yeah, so Malaysian politicians are cheap.
Tell me about it. They’re cheap and men”siahsuay”kan.
Even after their bed prowess videos have been circulated like no one’s business, they’re still back in business. Either some voters are as blind as masturbating bats or they really think a man without morals can lead them. Either way, that party’s going to the dogs.
But his wife. His wife stuck to him. Weathered the damn storm with him.
And of course, that great drama by Jack Neo during the press conference not too long ago in Singapore takes the cake for him being the most cowardly man who got found out for infidelity.
Not only did he not dare to face the media alone (come on, where are your balls?), he dragged his poor wife with him, traumatising the woman to no end. I used to have great respect for Jack although his movies are on the preachy side and sounds like the Singaporean Government mouthpiece at times. I thought he had heart. He made REAL movies. It’s sad that even men like that can be brought down by sheer lust and power.
And let’s not forget people like Tiger. But he’s old news now that he’s back in the golf circuit. All’s forgiven because without this man on the green, there really isn’t much to cheer about for golf is it? At least Tiger was man enough NOT to drag his wife into his press conference.
But my point is, why do women stay on?
Why do they stay on and give their men a second chance? Or am I the only ruthless, heartless one?
Why do they quietly accept that men are men and they will stray? Or do they accept that no matter how far the man strays, he will still come back to the home?
What about women? If women strayed, will their husbands be as forgiving?
Someday I would like to meet with women whose husbands have strayed and I really want to interview them and understand why they stayed.
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.
Would you? Could you?

89 thoughts on “Why I Stayed…And Other Such Rubbish”

  1. That is a tough question. I was that woman once, before I got married. I stayed with a cheating boyfriend for 4 years before he told me that he had a one year old child – which meant he fathered that child sometime when he was with me. I was aware he was cheating with several women, and had even met them by accident. I stayed because I was afraid to let go and live a different life. I had vested so much in us, I was planning on our future, and I kept making excuses that he would change. Also I felt the fault was mine because I was not attractive enough or smart enough. Now I know that isn’t true but it took me this long to build up my self confidence. It comes with age. I think there has to be a point where a woman is strong enough or fed up enough to say, “I can’t live like this anymore” – and leave.
    As for Jack Neo’s wife or the preacher’s wife – it becomes harder to leave when you have family and all you have ever known is your life with your partner. It looks like they have been living in their husbands’ shadows and if they left, what would that make them? What would their roles be? Especially if they were older, how would they carve a new life? It is easier to stay than to leave.

    • Grace – Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s not easy, yes. But we women are like that….we cling onto what we believe is true. And we will forever believe that things or men will change, especially the men who cheat. I say this, men who cheat on their wives always makes their wives feel bad first and foremost. You are right about women living in their husbands’ shadows. Some women I know can live and die for their families while their husbands won’t bat an eye if they didn’t have their families. But staying on, unless one forgives, can be quite hard because each time you look at the man, you are reminded of that time you lost all your trust in him. I am not speaking for all women. And I am not speaking for all men. But in my case, if my trust is gone, what else is there?

  2. wow! lepas steam? sorry for my ignorance of world news, errmm… which is why i stayed away from news media. i don’t think i can tahan reading all these. i guess one will never know until one is in such situation, i think. the human mind and emotions can be so complex at times.
    erm… actually i just wanted to say… i so love the word – men”siahsuay”kan. i haven’t heard that for so long and it’s hilarious! made me laughed out loud. i love it!! and i just posted a photo on manglish. 😀

    • Ha ha Alison – yes, I mean, come on….why with all this talk about independence do women still stay on? You should read the comment by beenthere (see down below). I hope beenthere isn’t a woman for if she is, her sorry excuse for men “that men do eventually cheat or at least visit a prostitute” is truly sad. Like men are some crazy folks who don’t know better. Like saying men are robots with all this lust and they have to do it like breathing.

  3. i bet my bottom dollar that if Nic cheats on you, you will forgive him and stay.
    and Most husband eventually do cheat, or at least visit the prostitute. I wait for that day to happen to you and see how you will use your fancy words to give some excuse and eat your own words.
    stick to writing about your arty farty stuff lah. you are not qualified to write about things you have no idea about.

    • Don’t bet on what you don’t know, beenthere. I decided to approve your comment and put it here so that we can all understand what goes on inside minds of women and men who don’t mind spouses who cheat. I sense a kind of resigned acceptance when you say ‘most husbands eventually do cheat, or at least visit the prostitute’. I won’t eat my own words, my dear. Unlike you, I don’t wish ill on others because I am trying to understand how women can stay on after all the trust is gone. If you say I am not qualified to write about things I don’t know, then what are journalists? Do they need to undergo all that pain in order to write about what others have gone through? Do I need to cheat on my spouse in order for me to write about that? No. That is why I said I would love to talk to women who’ve undergone this pain in order to understand their pain and why they stay or why they leave. And this is my blog so I can very well write about things that I want to. The Internet is easy for you to make that choice. You don’t have to visit this blog if you don’t want to. You have a choice you know. Just like you have a choice not to cheat if you want to. But only IF you want to. I wish you well.

  4. you may consider the women who stay as weak, many others may respect them for not thinking about themselves only. they put the welfare of their children above themselves. opps. you have none, no wonder you don’t understand!

    • Ah yes. Your kids tie you down to your marriage. So would you say that if you didn’t have kids, you’d walk out and start anew? Good if that is the case. Whatever personal reasons you have for staying in your marriage, it is for you to know. You don’t have to take it on me you know. And let go of that viciousness, woman. It does not become a mother.

  5. ok, fair enough. sorry for saying that you are not qualified to write about this.
    I do know what I’m betting on. I personally know 6 women who are back with their husbands after their husbands cheated on them. After 2 or 3 years, the hurt will heal and the trust will be back. Now they are enjoying their family life. They did not throw in the towel at the very first sign of trouble.
    so I will bet again, that WHEN Nic cheats on you, you will forgive him and stay. This I am very very sure.

  6. wow. no wonder your FB status. the reason why women (like my mother – so, i think that kinda qualifies me in a way) stay on is because they lack the confidence. they do not know what else to do if they left. that is why there are more divorces now than before – women today are braver, stronger and have their own career.
    hope that somehow answered your question 🙂
    as for beenthere, wah, why so angry? PEACE

    • Hi Marsha: Ya, finally I used some harsh language. You are my sifu lah haha. Yes, that porn-litician. Sigh. The kind of people we ask to lead us. The kind of double standards we all accept. The thing is, poor Audrey my friend is now more convinced than ever not to have a blog. People start debates and arguments and world war three here. But you know what, I will approve them all even if they border on insults. Because I think I am mad like that. A little debate never did hurt anyone and besides, it gives people an avenue to vent their anger. And it gives me a perspective on what other women think (precisely my objective – who would answer if I asked “If you have been that hurt woman, can you tell me more of your experience?” Bah. No one will bat an eye). And with a title like this, of course EVERYONE has to come and see what the fuss is about. This reminds me of the hardhitting blog posts that Cleffairy does – I may be in your league now Cleffairy….starting ‘fires’ online! Gosh!

  7. forgot about the reference to the said porn-litician – RIGHT ON!!!
    p.s. I am impressed with your language-use!! HURRAY!! you actually typed the word ‘balls’ instead of b@ll3 or something like that. hahaha

  8. I agree with beenthere…as for marsha’s mom, i think we all should respect these women’s decisions. marsha’s mom might have stayed for her sake or because she thought she was doing the right thing. her predicament/choice doesnt make her weak/coward.
    its easy to pontificate when one is not stuck in that position. so many factors come into play. it is very nasty of MAYA to remark about kids tying beenthere down. the emotional bonds go very far back and not everyone can just pick up and leave. and the kids feelings come into play. the kids are our responsibility and they are not some excess baggage THAT TIE YOU DOWN. THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS. and most mums are not so selfish as to break up the family just so their ego is salvaged lah Maya. Use your brain when you write next time. you sound so petty and gloating there just because beenthere tak setuju. you want everyone to massage your ego and agree ker???
    let the women make the choice that best suits them, whatever their reasons. divorce is never easy esp after that is only thing familiar to them for years.
    the emtional connections act the same way as nerves do in amputations. you still feel the phantom pain of the missing limb…unbearable at times…and love/marriage also create the same connections in the brain and heart.
    the pain is real.
    your mere title is an insult enough to the women/mothers who decide to stay.
    who are you to talk about dignity and whether their reasons are rubbish?
    its very judgmental and like beenthere said, only when one has been in that position, one really knows what the women go through.
    enough that they swallow the humiliation of their husbands affair.
    Now they have to swallow humiliation of women like you who baru setahun jagung yang tak faham erti dan pengorbanan perkahwinan.
    each woman does what she thinks is right/good for her in that situation.

  9. Insulting comments? Your title itself is an insult to all these women.
    trying to be famous for hardhitting posts as the expense of others’ dilemma is not at all “cool” or anywhere in the league of good, thought provoking blogposts in other blogs.

  10. Teena and beenthere have you ever considered that by staying in such a toxic environment, the mother is setting this example for their daughters and sons:
    “It’s ok to be treated in such a manner. It’s ok for my husband to wander and stray, because I have no self-respect. It’s ok for my daughter to be treated like dirt, because that was what I did by staying in this marriage. It is ok for my son to visit prostitutes and demean his marriage because I decided to cling to my husband who obviously has forgotten all our marriage vows.”
    You say think of the children, but did you really THINK?

  11. Obviously another smart aleck young upstart who has no inkling of the realities of life/family. Your examples are so dramatic, girl. It all depends on the situation/predicament and standing of the woman.
    and in marsha’s case, she obviously does not want to make/would not make the same decision her mum made.
    we each have our own brains and capacity to think. and each acts according to their needs and situation.
    When you little girls come to this, and you will…then you might have some understanding.
    its not always soooo clear cut and hunky dory/black and white and self-righteous like you think it is.

  12. I find it amusing that you can call me a smart aleck upstart when you have no inkling of who I am.
    May I ask, who’s the one being dramatic here? We’ve seen it before in studies, in the media, and always, in the lives of the women around us. Staying together “for the sake” of the kids does nothing but bring harm to them.
    If the husband is genuinely sorry for his mistakes (and that is the RARE exception to the case), then perhaps the wife might be justified in staying together.
    In almost all cases though, the husband always blames the wife. They claim the wife’s not attractive. That the other person was the one who seduced them. That their wife is not enough for them. In other words, they blame their wives for leading them astray.
    Never mind that it takes two to tango. That the man CHOSE to betray the woman’s trust. See, if the woman’s trust is valued so lightly in the marriage, what more her love for the man? What value does the woman have to the man, if he can betray her trust so simply?
    Are these dramatic examples? I don’t think they are. I think they’re pretty normal.

  13. Beenthere,
    I am a man and married for 24 years, and i have never cheated on my wife. she is my best friend and i love her to bits. After 24 yrs of marriage, i love her just the same as the time we were courting in the 80s
    Your generalisation is a mirror to your insecure self. You are weak and you find fault in others to justify your weakness.
    You children are a mere excuse. You are insecure and you resort to insulting men with a blanket comment such as that?
    You say you have children, would you want your daughter to stay in her marriage if her husband cheats on her? Well that is exactly what you are doing and you are setting an example for her. Yes, some women do stay but many walk away. i as a man would never do that to my wife. I have 2 grown sons and from young, i have thought them to respect women and treat them right. Just because you have failed, do not take it out on others.

    • Dear Sam: Thank you for joining this conversation. And thank you for giving a man’s point of view. I admire you more for saying that you have respect for your wife and if you had a daughter, you’d teach her to respect herself. Bravo and congrats to you Sam. Your wife, Mrs Loh, is one lucky woman indeed! Thank you for reaffirming that yes, there are good men out there and I know quite a few of them!

  14. Naoko,
    Trying peddling that advise to wives/mums who have been married/housewives for like 2/3 decades and have lost all skills to fend for themselves and will most prob end up in poverty as many single mums are today (forget about your elite, educated group, think abt the other regular women).
    Easy to spout all this jargon about dignity, thinking about kids etc etc when you dont have to worry abt where the next paycheck coming from…some of these philanderers are still good fathers/breadwinners.
    Trust, love , etc and all that higher classes selfish needs have no place wth women who face poverty with their kids.
    If the rich ones decide to stay..why not??? After all their sacrifices and position acquired over the years, they have every right too to want to maintain their position and close one eye/forgive their spouse.
    If every one bailed out at the slightest trouble, we would be in chaos.

    • Teena: Values like love, trust and dignity aren’t just for the rich only. That is why they are called universal values. Everyone, no matter rich or poor, would like to be loved and trusted and have dignity. Being poor does not mean one does not have dignity. I accept that you have stayed in your marriage and that you could forgive your husband but I can tell you right now that I won’t be able to. I believe in the sanctity of a monogamous marriage where I love and respect my husband and he does the same for me in return. We are not talking about friends having a fall out. This is marriage. If you are convinced that your decision is correct, then by all means be happy with that. It is only to your conscience that you have to answer to, not to us, not to me, not to anyone. If in your heart you feel you did the right thing then I say, good for you. For the record, I have met many good men in my life. And they are faithful to their wives. As for the rich deciding to stay, well, that’s their problem, isn’t it? Will I follow what the rich do? Not necessarily. I will only do what is right by me. And this is where values help me make that choice.

  15. Maya…
    I notice you have been wth NIc for a long time.
    Have you ever had a real heart to heart with him? You would be surprised to what a man can admit to…I wouldnt be surprised…only angels are monogamous…and for that length of time, given his youth, creativity..you would be shocked. maybe even you yourself.
    try asking him…find out the truth…and then see if you are willing to give up the house you just got togther, furnished together etc etc the life you have shared together for one or two transgressions that prob didnt mean anything to him.
    now THAT would be honesty. then you can understand what a woman feels.
    no offence to anyone/NIc…but life is such, and men are no saints.

    • Teena: Nic reads my blog and he knows what goes in my mind a lot because we run a business together, we see each other every single day. We go to work together, we come home together, we spend weekends together. He really is my best friend. I have had lots of heart to heart talks with him because I have known him for 16 years already. He knows the kind of woman he married. I know myself well. I don’t see it as whether I am willing to give up the house etc, I will see it as whether I will gain a sense of confidence and respect for myself and be true to me. Don’t always look at it as if it is a zero-sum game where if you walk out of a marriage, you have nothing or you end up with nothing. You will still have family, parents, siblings, friends. I have known many friends who walked out of their marriages and are happier for it because they knew they would be far more unhappy if they stayed. I am honest – that is why I wrote this blog post. I am honest about how I feel about this matter.

  16. Teena, just because your husband or father strayed, it does not mean that all men are the same. You really need to grow out of this misery you are in and see life from an open view.
    I really pity your husband for having a woman like you in his life. And with such bitterness, i am not surprised that he has to go outside to find some comfort… Men in your life may not be saints, but maybe it is you who turned them into that?
    Women can really make a man change too.. think about that..

  17. Teena, so you’re telling me that it’s worth it to stay in a marriage where you are treated like a doormat by your husband in private but a queen in public? Wow. I salute you.
    I do not deny that single moms, especially in Malaysia, need help. Especially the ones who are brave enough to walk out of a marriage and take charge of their lives back.
    Just because you are scared of making a fresh start does not mean you should block others from doing so. Peddle that advice to women who have been stuck in such marriages and have no more skills? Yes, I would do that, and I would ensure it personally that they get access to training programs, business opportunities and be with them during that emotionally draining time. As long as they have the determination to do that, I see no reason to deny them that choice.
    NO WOMAN DESERVES A MAN WHO TREATS HER LIKE DIRT. No woman deserves a partner who “sleeps with someone else” because it is “his nature.” No woman deserves repeated emotional betrayal for the sake of a man’s ego.
    If a woman chooses to stay in that kind of marriage, it is up to her. But she should make her choice only AFTER knowing the facts, that there are other women who have made it. Women who choose to live their lives with dignity and simple needs, over people who treat them with doormat.

  18. With men friends like Sam Loh, Maya, who turn on the betrayed women with such typical ratty answers, and you support him?
    What a bunch of hypocrites. Talk about freedom and yet do not allow/try to turn the tables on the betrayed wives by saying they deserve it and their husbands had reasons to stray.
    For all you alleged fidelity Sammy, I wouldnt wish a man like you on any woman. Your wife shud be pitied.
    Im sure everyone including your clients can see now how HONEST this post and comments are 🙂
    And dont forget to ask NIc 🙂

  19. Women like this so-called ‘beenthere’ n ‘teena’ – are such bitchy wretches. By just reading their comments, one can summarise that they are helpless insecure bitter (and most of the time fugly and fat or too skinny with no sexual attractiveness) women. These women are so pathetic and sorrowful about their predicament that they dont have any other place to vent their frustrations from justifying their pitiful actions and mentality, of staying with cheating husbands, and worse still accusing all men the same and the worst of all – hoping ill marital fate will befall on others as well. With such attitude in a woman – NO WONDER YOUR HUSBANDS CHEATED !!! SERVES BOTH OF U RIGHT, you pitiful witches! No sane people wants to stay with such witches! Let alone husbands … GUNA OTAK JAGUNG KAMU SENDIRI LAH – PEREMPUAN BODOH !!
    I know a few of this kind of pitiful women – they vent their pathetic and idiotic (again i say- no wonder their husbands find another women!) frustrations on other people becoz they envy (and did hope but didn’t get) other people’s marital bliss, so they condemn everyone is the same and hope the same woes happen to other people as well. So they became desperados trying to prove their point beyond graciousness !! Such SCHADENFREUDE !!
    And Teena – you are a pitiful psycho bitch – calling people smart aleck and ‘girl’ …when you dont even know the person’s history first before trying to comment on people., ..
    Both you and ‘beenthere’ can learn fom ‘Grace’ if you want to know how to comment and argue points constructively, and not cursing from your smelly mouth unnecessary onto another women to suffer a bad fate.. (that’s why, perhaps, your husband cheated on you, both you pathetic miserable goons !) PADAN MUKA !!!

  20. whatever it is, women should value themselves and have confidence. if the r/ship is toxic, weigh options and decide. there is nothing to gain by torturing oneself – life is TOO SHORT!! 🙂
    but if she chooses to stay, then with sincerity, i hope it all works out.
    i like the comparison made between Tiger and Neo.
    Tiger FINALLY manned up to it a few times. I think he deserves a chance. Neo….ALAMAK!! poor wife!!!
    don’t be bitter about life, about men, about love. preserve ability to have fun and be optimistic.believe in yourself that with or without anyone in this world, there is lots to learn, explore and gain.
    no one cannot live without anyone. peace…

  21. Ah, the friends you have Maya..hahaha..shows how you are beneath all this veneer.
    btw, I pity Nic. So stifled and controlled. a relationship waiting to explode or die a natural death.
    two people cannot be joined at the hip. each must have their own time/space/interests.
    this man is being suffocated to death.
    and so is the woman being loved to bits.
    anyways, what goes a round comes around…look back at your topic/title and dont wonder why you get responses like mine and beenthere’s.
    i accept whatvevr has been fated, au contraire, im a very sexualy attrctive woman who has received many offers for marriage/affairs/to leave …not bitter, merely trying to lay out realities instead of Utopian crap.
    Sad to see such a ‘strong” woman like Maya having to call in her machais to insult and maki women who dont seem to agree with her and her cohorts.
    Take car..and remember all this when your “perfect man” kicks you in the gut 🙂
    Meanwhile, stay oblivious and keep him in your cage as long as you can.
    maybe you can get one of those prisoner monitoring devices?
    see the key to a real marriage, is letting loose and trusting.
    Not having him in your pocket and seluar dalam under lock and key.
    that’s involuntarily incarceration 🙂

  22. I’m 21. Not married. No experience whatsoever.
    But I have a blog.
    And a blog is a space where I write what I think, my point of view, regardless of what others think. And I welcome opinions.
    As a blogger, it’s sad to see a healthy discussion lead to calling names and what-not.
    It’s like seeing people barging into my room and start throwing my stuff around and ripping things apart simply because they dislike the color of my wallpaper.
    So maybe Maya shouldn’t judge others, but what about those who judge her, and draw their own scenarios about what may/will happen in her household? Are you any better?
    Then again, I’m just too young, too naive, too inexperienced to understand anything right? I might just be wasting my time, o foolish me. 🙂

  23. No, what these people fail to see dear vern, is that one shouldnt be a braggart and say “oh, i would leave”, “these women have no dignity”, “what rubbish” (the reasons for staying)…because it COULD happen to them! Never think you really know your partner, and dont be so quick to judge others, lest they start judging you (like what happening here)…
    Dont think that husbands/men/women/spouses are honest 100 percent of the time..no bitterness abt that, just a dose of reality..and dont think they can change the world by saving all these “poor, stupid” women from their cheating husbands…dont just think that dignity is by leaving..have respect for their reasons, that is what MAYA and the others fail to have.
    As for the response, next time choose your title carefully…you started the insult first. People’s decisions/reasons are not rubbish to them.

  24. Hear hear, Vern!
    Mary Katrina, was there a need to resort to the same name-calling as did teena and beenthere? -_-” Why can’t we keep this civilised?
    Teena, I believe you may be reading a bit too much into what Maya said. I don’t think she’s keeping him close to her at all times, even unconsciously.

  25. I think the only name calling came from sam and mary 🙂
    smart aleck and upstart are not cuss words.
    ok, no point saying anything to people living in The Land of the Deluded.
    (oh, great recipe, girl, the bread one..mind if i try it?)

  26. Veering off topic a moment: Um… teena, as weird as it sounds, name-calling is not limited to calling people by cuss words. ^^; Calling someone a smart aleck is also considered as name-calling. Just a note.

  27. Maya, you said you have met many good men in your life. And they are faithful to their wives. More accurately is you assume they are good based on the current and available facts about them.
    The more innocent they look the more dangerous lah.
    Maya started it by being condescending. One day she will eat her words.
    yang Sam pula, lack of opportunity kot.

  28. wow! what a riot here!
    for centuries, men have tried to understand women. poems were written, blood spilled, wars fought… all for their women and until today, men are never clearer as to what makes a woman tick.
    don’t ask me. i sure don’t know.
    so why does a woman stay? well, she has her reasons. the heart may say go but the head may say stay. there are so many reasons that until one is in the position, then only one will know.
    [as an aside, i wouldn’t wish on someone to be in this situation.]
    also, it really depends on the person’s situation. if you are young, in your 30s, you may want to kick the man out. if you are in your 50s… circumstances do play a role, influencing the idealist inside us.
    a good friend just found that her husband has been having a jolly time with a china doll for the past few months. she was devastated. he couldn’t care less. and she has left him. she told me she found it so hard to let go as she has known him throughout her adult life.
    so it takes courage to walk. and it’s no stretch to figure out that many do not have this courage?
    so there are a thousand and one reasons.
    as a bystander, we could perhaps be more objective but if you are in the midst of things… we human beings aren’t really known to be rational right? remember, the heart and the head.
    so don’t fret. don’t try to understand why. no man has ever done this. and looks like the womenfolk aren’t doing better either.
    men are much easier to understand lah.

  29. well said beenthere…we like to judge on appearances…there was a friend whose husband never once missed dinner or lunch at home and was the most wonderful husband..imagine her surprise when he actually had another family…

  30. Teena, unlike you, the link under my name does lead to a blog. What I say, I stick by it. So no, I won’t go around posting under other names. 🙂 Please don’t insult the both of us by insinuating that.
    Also, beenthere, might I assume that you have been cheated on by ALL the men in your life, hence your insistence that ALL men will eventually cheat? I’m really curious.

  31. MIght i assume that you are an idiot? naoko?
    once a woman is hurt, anyone for that matter, it is easy to see what men have the potential to be. Trusting your spouse completely and to have that trust betrayed…
    you think one can just go “oh ok..im ready to give my heart and lay myself out on the altar to be slaughtered again in like less than 6 months after a decades old marriage full of emotion, love, life, anger, joy, and all the emotions a human can have..and i can completely trust a man again!!!” ????
    Yes, now im resorting to name calling, because see beenthere’s husband (forgive me if im assuming/out of line dear) and mine were ONCE THE NIC (OR BETTER) THAT MAYA SEEMS TO WORSHIP LIKE A DEMI GOD WHO DOES NO WRONG. (or so we wrongly assumed/took fro grnated bcause like Maya, one often stares and whispers at wrecks/deaths as if it could NEVER happen to them 🙂
    ade faham tak? makes sense tak? that’s the point trying to be made here.

  32. Ah, so now we come to the crux of it. You’re speaking on behalf of your own experience, and assume that every woman will have the same experience that you will have.
    That they will betrayed for trusting their husband too much. That the only option left to them is to stay in their marriage because they have responsibilities to care for (aka children, job, etc).
    Am I correct? If I am wrong, please correct me.

  33. Yes you are very wrong and no I am not assuming anything to that extent…God you people are unbelievable.
    Condescending bunch of bitches who want everything to be A or B.
    Just waitlah for your good friends marriages to hit the usual patches and then you can interview them. maybe they can give you the slap in the face you so deserve.
    Really unbelievable fools.

  34. I will definitely NOT stay. If a man betrayed, that means you should step out fr that horrible marriage/ relationship immediately. As a female, I must admit that when our lover/ husband be good to us, we appreciate that. (eg. he treat you bad for 10 times, but for the 1 damn thing he is good to you.) WE CHOOSE TO REMEMBER the good one, and really appreciate that. So, whenever he did something bad, we remember the damn 1 thing and we keep forgive. Of course, financial stability is one important issue, and “FACE”.
    I do hope that women will stand up for themselves and, we should help one another, give your girl friend best support as you able, help them to start a new life. But women, please, you must tell yourself to be strong enough to walk a new path of your journey, do not keep on depend on your friends/ family forever.
    I always encourage married women to really look into their hobby, baking, sewing, gardening, baby sit, as you do not know that one day you will depend them for your living. My friend’s mother in Banting is good in making kuih kapit, for just a CNY, she can make RM16K. STAND UP WOMEN!

  35. hahaha…see? told you ! beenthere and teena sure show signs of psychotic women – again as everyone can see – see how they ant and rave but they never look at themselves in the mirror first to see who started the ‘nasty-words’? READ AGAIN YOUR DAMN COMMENTS, both you idiots.. Who started using words – ‘ur arty-farty stuff’ and ‘use your brain’…??? If you both don’t start to use nasty words like that or comment on people hoping they get ill marriage fate,bla, bla…. non of the other commentors will blast you for what you said.
    If you could in the first place just argue your points here diligently, even if it’s a negative one, then nobody would want to turn on you, and everyone could even just have a healthy discussions..
    beenthere and teena are suspiciously the same commentor. The way they delusionally write sure looks like the same one delusional woman.
    These kind of women have bad vibes and only cling to one another who has the same psychotic mentality so they could form a pity-party and start attacking other women and are jealous of others when others have something better that are beyond their reach..sour grapes !! Happy and contented people will never want to be around these women..
    And pitiful teena – sorry to disappoint you, i am just a silent reader of maya’s blog that felt compelled to speak out you and beenthere’s uncivilised comments.
    Get it in your delusional brain ???

  36. I think we should pity these 2 characters teena and beenthere.
    People with bitterness in their hearts will always be like this. Misery loves company and they want nothing more than for others to go through the same thing as what happened to them. Just so they can feel ‘normal’
    No beenthere, it is not the lack of opportunity . That is not the reason why i am loyal to my wife. I am loyal because i love her, i love my 2 sons and i am contented with what i have in life. She is good enough to make me happy, why should i go astray? hard to believe? Well not every men are like your husband or father. Trust me, if one wanted the opportunity, for someone living in Kl like me it is not hard to make the opportunity. It is a choice, humans do have a mind to make choices dont we?
    Like i said before, before you go an blame all your problems on male genetics, maybe you should reflect upon your own selves..both of you, teena and beenthere. Ever wondered if you were the reason why your husbands went astray?
    I pity the both of you. Really i do, because you are trying to make others understand why you are staying in a broken and miserable marriage …. trying so hard to justify your actions for us to read.. but at the end of the day, YOU’RE the one who is miserable being stuck there. Even if you succeed in justifying it and making some understand , YOU ARE STILL LEFT MISERABLE by the choice that you made. You are the loser by far here… pity.

  37. Everyone – please. This is a blog. This is not parliament. As I’ve said before, if teena and beenthere are happy with their choices, so be it. Teena and beenthere, if you are happy, why care what we all say?
    We’re just a bunch of idiots right? Whatever I say is really irrelevant right? And that I am an upstart and smart aleck and just a girl. That I don’t know what horrible things to befall me because I trust a man.
    So what do you both propose? That we all acknowledge all men are evil and should not be trusted and therefore, don’t marry them?
    If so, why did you get back again with your husband? If you got back with him, it means you do trust him. There is something good in him that makes you want to stay back in the marriage and make it work. Then it also means he is not as evil as you make all men out to be.
    Why does it appall you when I say I trust my husband? Do you know ALL men? Are you happier if I said, yes, I won’t trust him because deep inside he is going to cheat on me and I just wait for that day to happen. Is that going to put a smile on your face?
    Why does it appall you when Sam says he loves his wife? It goes against your belief system that such a thing exists in this world? Isn’t that what you sincerely hope for, for yourself and your marriage? That your husband will love you and treasure you? Why hope otherwise for others? Why do you wish ill on others when I don’t wish ill on you? What ails your heart so much that you need to wish for awful things to happen to others?
    As I’ve said again and again, with all sincerity in heart, I truly hope for the best for the both of you. I wish you well and hope you both have happy marriages. And no, I am not being hypocritical.
    The thing is, both of you aren’t satisfied with whatever points we put forth because you already don’t need to hear. At least I hear you out. At least I read your comments to hear what you are really saying between the lines.
    The people who read my blog are friends and they are airing their opinions too. I don’t want to turn this into a battlefield. I just hope we can all be civilised and debate in a civilised manner. If you cannot be civilised and you still want to be sarcastic and taunt others, please do it elsewhere.

  38. well maya, i guess you forgot that you brought this onto yourself for not respecting those women’s choices to stya with the marriages in the first place by calling their reasons RUBBISH!!!! dont try to run away from that and act so blardy innocent and impartial lah.
    you want people to respect you and your silly blog, then you shoud learn how to respect others too.
    hypocrite bunch.

  39. lepas 5 komen aku membaca, aku dah a little pening. dah lah kerja banyak gila babi, tengok computer selalu sampai mata kabur (serious punyer). memang bernas topik ini, tapi abang takleh tahan kalo tidak join bandawagon dari segi quantity komen dalam post ini. so, here, abang sahaja nak petak foot print abang sahaja….LOL.
    btw, abang sokong REDs.

  40. Hey teena, if you say this is a silly blog, then why are you a reader then? And you seem to know so much abt Maya and her husband – u r so freaky ! Then you muz hav been a long time reader or stalker (now that you’ve turned vicious)… so why stay here and keep attacking endless vicious comments – that enough shows you are psychotic !
    The fault lies in YOU ! This is not your blog – if you think the post title seems hurtful and condescending to you, and if you are a graceful and mature woman (like you are trying to act as if you are here), you could’ve argued and pointed it out firmly but nicely and we could’ve consider your points i.e. why you chose to stay and the reasons behind it – pros and cons and perhaps, we as women might end up seeing and understanding your side of story and perhaps learning a point or two from your experience.
    But NOooo, you have to go and attack other women with vicious comments to cover your insecurity. Just take a good read of all your earlier comments. You sound like a vulture, waiting and hoping that the bad things that happened to you will happen to other women as well. This is not empowering ! This is vicious attack! No wonder you sound miserable and bitter woman. Even if you say you are sexually attractive and have many marriage proposals (presuming that’s true and you are not just self-gloating coz that’s what delusional women always do).. you are still ugly in your heart if you have ill intentions on others emotionally and mentally.
    Go fart somewhere else if you don’t like it here coz there are many others who still like to read this blog.

  41. the benefits of eating your greens have been proven by doctors whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
    I will dispense this advice now
    you people assume too much.
    don’t .
    it only make an ass of you and me.
    people who stays have valid reasons,
    rubbishing them is not so nice lah.
    eat your greens
    don’t let your mum worry
    especially spinach
    it will make you grow.
    the chances of your spouse cheating on you is real.
    the % of it happening is probably more
    than you currently believe.
    be mentally prepared.
    oh physically too
    eat your greens
    when you people are in the same situation,
    the decision
    to stay
    or walk
    won’t be so
    cut and dry
    like some claim so confidently here.
    foot is not so nice
    greens healthier
    scratch the surface
    and that’s is all there is
    thanks for the space
    i have run out of advice
    got to go
    and fix my caps lock.

  42. so beautifully said beenthere!
    Mary the Idiot, what i was trying to say is dont believe your husband too much like that Maya woman so cofident wannn..i speak like chinky woman maybe you chikies can faham lorrrr…bukan aku wish…tapi memang akan jadik dari air muka nic…aku tak hingin nak stalk these twolah, but that maya dok boasting abt her website, kita kenal jugaklah walau kita tau website untuk klien kadang2 cedok2 sama jugak sampai klien pun marahhh woooo kena double cross…
    itu muka nic sama ini maya and dia pun history ada dekat itu redbox site mah..ini baru first time gua baca sebab ini pompuan sudah announce satu dunia ini post, so gua mau tahu jugak la ini betina pandai action apa dia punya experience mau judge org lain maaah , .i dont stalk low class chinkies lah..who is she lah…just pissed at you stupid latte sipping chinkies who blog and bitch abt the world and malaysia like everyone owes you chinkies.
    saya pun pendatang, tapi tarak lah macam lu olang.
    Ok, chow ah…
    ini malam misti itu Maya check jugak dia punya suami punya talipon sama email mahhhhh…she could get lucky..then please do blog about your BRAVE decision, ok?

  43. Still think that the biggest loser by far is teena and beenthere. Now that they have toxically voiced their tiring arguments, at the end of the day, they are the ones spending their days and nights with their unfaithful husbands and in their miserable marriage.
    Have pity on these sods.

  44. for fairness sake, beenthere has been very decent and sam saying that only shows his low class pettiness. prob a fat ass pork belly chinkie even a prostitute wouldnt do.
    checked YOUR wife’s telefon or not meh?
    who says we are still married? who says we are unhappy meh? we just dont like assholes forcing their stupid ideals on women who have their valid reasons.
    aiyah, bukan you all pakatan worshippers ka? whatever happened to freedom of choice?
    ok Sam, now go beg for your wifey for a fcuk.
    ok lah, sudah penat.
    bye bye.

  45. At least beenthere is civilized. Teena is starting to rant like some banshee. I am going to allow everyone to read her mad post for a few hours more before I delete it.

  46. Depending on each person’s exposure in life and the maturity of their minds. Basically, no matter what languages teena and beenthere used, they are direct and sharp, and no bullshit – I like it!
    Anyway, the world is just so beautiful for certain women who are innocent + arrogant + overly-confident. And that doesn’t mean the world is less beautiful for sharp/experienced/intelligent women like teena and beenthere. I think you both are really attractive, fun and interesting people.
    Congrates to Maya for having such a big group of supporters. For Maya and her supporters… be happy with what you have! Do believe that YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ONE before your husbands’/boyfriends’ eyes.

  47. See? This teena ting-tong speaks and has proven herself to be the idiotic psycho that she really is …she has fallen from her facade to prove herself that she is indeed a psycho…
    Teena idiot – you are on such a losing end now that you dont have anything else to fart anymore, you are turning to labelling now – pendatang… Bitter loser!
    hahaha…you are such a psycho and from your last post, it had indeed proven yourself to be the low class mentality woman you are…JUST LOOK AT YOUR COMMENTS esp your last one…you are really mentally ill !! Now, you can justify why your husband stray…and let me tell you one thing, if your attitude continues to be like this – your husband is going to cheat on you again…and that shall serves you right again!
    Your emotions, choice of words/language and points/facts, sway from one end to the other – exactly like an unstable mental patient!
    If truly this is your first time in this blog, worst still – you really have no class (oh I forgot, you have already had proven yourself), coming to people’s blog and start spewing venom…
    Teena idiot, overall gist everyone is trying to tell you and beenthere (assuming you both are not the same person) IS, be nice and civil when airing or arguing your points – like this also you dont understand ah? DO NOT RESORT TO ATTACKING OTHER WOMEN just so you can prove your stand!
    Instead of others, I think you should be the one lah, that need to go check your husband’s email and tel – coz your strayed husband had done it before and will likely to do it again (esp with women like you) You are a disgrace to womenhood….

  48. Depending on each person’s exposure in life and the maturity of their minds. Basically, no matter what languages teena and beenthere used, they are direct and sharp, and no bullshit – I like it!
    Anyway, the world is just so beautiful for certain women who are innocent + arrogant + overly-confident. And that doesn’t mean the world is less beautiful for sharp/experienced/intelligent women like teena and beenthere. I think you both are really attractive, fun and interesting people.
    Congrates to Maya for having such a big group of supporters. For Maya and her supporters… be happy with what you have! Do believe that YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ONE before your husbands’/boyfriends’ eyes.

  49. Dear Maya
    May i make an appeal for you to not remove their comments. This world is so full of such characters it would be good for people to see that this kind of people exist and roam in our midst. If not for anything else, it can also be a good lesson for others. So we can be aware of the hate and bitterness that exist in this world.
    So that women can make sure they make the right decisions as to not end up like these 2.
    So that men can make the right choices as to not get stuck in life with partner like these 2.
    Take this as a lesson. Please, if i may ask, please leave their comments here. others may very well learn from this. I know i have. And i have learned to appreciate my wife and family even more because i am grateful that i am spending my life with someone who is not like them.

    • Thank you Sam.Yes, bg also wrote to me privately and asked me to leave the comments. As a result, I’ve put back teena’s comments. I first deleted them because they are racist comments. But now I’ve put them back. Thank you all for your comments and feedback. This post, if it makes you think, if it makes you appreciate your spouse better, would have made all the difference. If it makes you take a step back and re-evaluate your own relationship, and make it better and stronger, that would have been worth the ‘heat’ in this blog.

  50. sigh….If only Bill Clinton ran for presidency in Malaysia, he would be victorious. Anywez….
    OOOooo…what a warzone this has turned out to be! i couldn’t resist jumping into the fray!
    Having read all the comments, one should really refrain from any name calling. And certain condescending “tones” used are like dropping malakoff cocktails in a pub on a saturday night.
    I agree that you will never know what decisions you will make until you’re faced with that particular problem. In this case; fidelity. When you take into account of your emotions, your family, the time you’ve invested in your relationship, your pride, ego…..blah…blah…blah….your bank balance!!…your trust,….. welll…..it is pretty difficult to come up with a decision that you might deem ideal. There’s no clear-cut decisions in this case. Only what “feels” right to you. Do what you want coz that’s the life you’ll be living. Of course, people will talk and there will be consequences to the action you take. Whether you decide to stay and walk-out on your marriage, you would have to prepare yourself in all ways to face the life ahead.
    But my advice is to take into consideration all available options before making your decision or deciding to take YOUR easy-way-out. When i say YOUR easy-way-out i meant the option that makes you go “i-have-no-choice-but-to-do-that”.
    Staying and trying to rebuild a relationship takes a lot of guts and effort but so does walking away and building a new life.
    Staying for the sake of your children (to provide them with a father) is very selfless of you. But it is only worth it if your spouse thinks the same and puts in as much effort to rebuild your family life as you do.
    On the other hand, what can you do or say, if your children ever found out that their father have been unfaithful towards their mother? (and vice versa) Ever thought of what they would think? What of their self-values and the way they perceive others?? What would your husband (wife) say to them? And what can he (she) do to make up for the shattered dreams of you and your children? Did he (she) even take into consideration your feelings and your children when he (she) strayed?? I don’t know what he (she) can do to make it all better. But i do feel that children can forgive their parents more easily but the shadow of betrayal will still be there throughout their life. So what can you do as a mother / father to ease this psychological damage?
    Staying because of power, position and money…now that’s cause for uncertainty. If you helped your spouse strive long and hard for the wealth you have accumulated, you can claim 1/2 of his assets in court should you decide to divorce.
    For non-working women with kids whom are worried bout their living expenses, there’s always the Women Welfare Center or UNICEF. Women there are trained with working skills and the government do provide monetary help till the mother is able to get back on her feet. Also, the husband has to pay the wife alimony in the case of divorce. Nothing comes cheap nowadays , even death. Everything must be paid in dues. So if you stay because of poverty, i think that’s just an excuse. With so many women-empowering organizations available these days, you should be able to get the help you need. It boils down to how proactive you are in getting your life back on track.
    Oh yes….back to “poverty”….how can a poor man cheat?? With what means can a poor man cheat with?? Debauchery and two-timing don’t come cheap nowadays. If the unfaithful husband can afford to cheat, then he isn’t poor to begin with! Therefore you can sue him for a big chunk of alimony. Even if it’s a small chunk of alimony, all the better for “something” rather than “nothing”. Less $$ for the unfaithful to go gallivanting. (Right back at ya’, you-two-timing-scum-of-the-earth. puahahahaha…ahem……)
    Ah! Enough of questionings. In regards to this blog’s title, i thought it was very provoking! XD *point-in-case: the # of comments here and the “whew” oh-so-heated-debate-going on* If this was a Taiwanese parliament, chairs and fists would be air-borne and ambulances would be on standby outside the premises. But i do think the content was more subtle and non-provoking than the title indicated. Which is why i do not understand why Teena is using that as a missile launching platform.
    @Teena: reading your past comment, i don’t think Krista was trying to belittle beenthere bout her staying for the sake of her kids. It’s more like, if kids weren’t involved, would she walk-away from her cheating husband? i’m not trying to single you out here! Honestly! Just that the comment you made early caught my attention and i just wanted to put in my 2cents worth.

  51. now i know some women are totally mad. disgrace to womenhood. disgrace to humankind. bbbrrrr…..need psychiatric help after reading how some people totally insecure some women are….well…. 🙂

  52. Well, well, well. What a riot here! No, not joining the REDs or whatever but going to answer Maya’s question.
    Why women stay? Just one very simple answer – because they are weak! Yes, it’s a sad fact but it is true! Staying because of the children or financial security etc are all excuses to hide our weaknesses cos we think that we cannot do without that wretched man! Look at some of the women who has left or were left by their unfaithful husbands – they did survive and survived well. If a ‘broken’ family means a family whereby the husband an d wife is divorced or separated then I would like to say that a broken family need not necessarily be an unhappy family. Would it be better for all to stay together “for the sake of the children” if all that the children sees everyday are miserable faces and feelings of resentment each day? Or would it be better for children to live in a more happier and relaxed atmosphere albeit without the parent that cheated and caused misery to the family?
    And yes as Naoko said what kind of message are we giving our children – sons and daughters alike if we tolerate such behaviour?
    Yet a lot of women stayed – wallowing in the miseries, resenting their husbands, daily feelings of mistrust churning inside them, hoping and praying that the husbands will come back to their senses and realised that they have the best wives on earth.
    In case anyone out there is cursing me with ‘wait till your husband is unfaithful or visit the prostitute’ I would like to say this – SHOULD it happen I pray that I WILL have the strength to walk away and in case I am feeling weak I hope that I will have the support from the women around me to help me walk the journey without that wretched man! And I believe there are a lot of good souls out there.
    And yes, there are good men out there too – those that do not feel it is necessary to prove that they are men by being unfaithful or visiting the prostitutes and there are men who do really love and respect their wives.

  53. Teena, it is not a sin to be weak and to stay. But to sow seeds of doubt in a happy marriage is sinful. You seem very intent to break up another person’s marriage because yours is broken. I have sympathies for wives who stayed after learning of their husband’s infidelities but when you turn bitchy and wants the whole world to suffer together with you then sorry, you are sure damned!

  54. To the readers who had just log in to read this post just only today, if you would have only read this woman teena’s very last post (which was oredi deleted ystdy nite), it would’ve make your blood boil! Her post and points in it were so deranged and degrading – that you cant help but feel so sorry for her to turn out like that. Really, really poor soul…
    In her last post, from sticking to marital topic, she started another topic attack about race – she called us (those that told her to tone down her ill-harping comments) – ‘u chinkies’, ‘lu olang pendatang’ and other shameful stuff in her writing. Her last part of her comment post was the worst, I was shocked…but I’m not going to go there!
    It’s really sad why some women instead of helping each other cope with hardships in life, they go and say or make things worse for other women, so that they can feel self-righteous.
    Can’t women together have healthy mature discussions, debate, exchanging thoughts, views, etc?
    Must we always wish ill on others only then we can feel equal?

  55. Yup..keep my comments in.
    See these idiots dont seem to get the message. Whatever we chose, these lost in utopians just cant seem to accept and insist on saying im bitter, bla bla bla…
    they seem intent on twisting whatever has been said by the other to prove their points.
    so, live in your utopia, but i still stick by my other comment. you guys are the types who like to impose on others your beliefs and create havoc in Malaysia by your stupid westernized ideals.
    read naoko’s blog too…Mary is stupid so didnt get what i said,…i am also from pendatang but i respect the nation my forefathers have chosen..i live by the rules of the majority, i dont whine abt inequality and all that jazz.
    see, despiet your compalinig abt lack of freedom, women’s rights, religious rights and all that crap, you seem to have your own set of crappy idelas you INISIST on imposing on others.
    life is not black and white…when NIc cheats on you (bemused maybe because he dowan stir hornet nest maaaa at home..thats how men are…sensitive issue dont talk much nanti sendiri kena woooo..get what i mean? 🙂 )
    1. dont flatter yourself abt stalkers la…oberinflated egos la you woman
    2. respect other women’s decision
    3. stop imposing your utopian ideals on others
    4. mary shut the fuck up, you spinster hyena
    5.Sam, you are such a pathetic excuse for a man…not everyone who stays is bitter..many other facets to life
    6. DONT lie to yourselves lah.
    7. STILLLLLL this Maya insists on asking these women to reevaluate their choices.
    Marriage esp long term ones have manu hudden facts/contracts. When NIc dumps yous, or whenSam;s wife gets sick of her sorry excuse of a husband picking on women to get a hard-on,

  56. oh lupa…those who choose to stay do not spend their time walowng..in fact most times it opens up others avenues of life to explore…get that dumbass pic out of your head. Im not bitter, just giving the facts that life.marriage is not hunky dory and you just make the best of each person la dungu.
    Life is not the end all. For you atheists, maybe lah…for those who believe in God, sacrifices for kids, families will all work out..some kids actually prefer the family to stcik together..kids are not STUPID like you fellas..they are resilient and KNOW what they want out of life. Syating doesnt mean they will hancur like you idiots like to insist on…
    now go back to your cocoons and stop dictating to others what to do.
    Mary please shut up..so annoying lah you..talk abt banshee..you is the EPITOME of one.

  57. Maya,
    i don’t expect you to treat your guests better than your home fans but at least be fair lah. uncle sam’s latest remark is also below the belt what.
    mrs hor,
    i’m gald to see that you are still in the right mind.
    because hor, which right mind person would say “if my husband cheats on me, I sure stay? don’t you think that every wife who got cheated said the same thing that they
    “will surely walk” before their shocking discovery?
    it’s no brainer to be rational, while sitting in front of the computer , unaffected. But the real test is when you make a stand/take action in time of crisis.
    my beef has been the same since the start. all you independent women should not lah be so cocky as to look down on people who stay. because hor before their discovery they too hor very strong minded just like you. so hor it can also happen to you that in time of crisis you may chance your stand.
    ok hor
    p/s Maya, also I hope this post make you realize that one side got our national flower and the other side got our national kite.

  58. wait wait..nak gelak…someone proposes “women’s welfare centre”, Unicef…oh God, almost peed laughing…ya maybe they can do basket weaving also and sell from mamak stall to mamak stall or juai keropok
    you know ah, those women who walked away..you think all of them are happy ker? dealing wth the new life and challenges? many feel they have to put up a front because people like you all judging them, expect no less…you think all of them got families ka? got support ka? pergi court pun 10 tahun pun belum selesai kes!
    wonder where you people when after 5 years, their lives still in shambles, anak2 become bohsia, druggies and they still trying to put food on table…and yes, in reality cases, bukan your la la land happily ever after.
    just cheat once, you want to destroy whole family for your ego

  59. Hey guys – the mental patient with the name ‘teena’ has escaped from her mental hospital lock-up again…poor soul who couldn’t get the love from her strayed husband, is rampaging on others again becoz she is so bitter and unlovable…no matter, how much she wants to waste her time proclaiming she’s not bitter – it ain’t working la… it’s too obvious to everyone.
    You ARE bitter by they way you choose to air yourself over here, teena dumbo..and you look like an idiot for saying you are not, but then, nvm, continue to comment to say your not, coz we love to see a clown defending herself..
    Now why should i shut up? Didnt you just earlier talk about freedom of speech? Why do you need to come back here and taunt somemore…Why? At home, couldn’t get the attention you wanted ah? Why need to stalk back here again?
    If you say this place all stupid people and low class, why come back here again to fish for attention? Somemore go to Naoko’s blog to stalk! Tak tahu malu! That’s y, I say u psycho !!
    Only shallow brains like you would want to call others pendatang or what not and it doesnt matter whether or not you yourself is one – you are still racist, you loveless psycho. Keep your crap abt you living by the rules, not whining, bla, bla, bla..to yourself la, nobody is interested to know abt you….fishing for attention! Stick to the topic of this post la!
    You seem so deranged like you have a personal vendetta on other optimistic women about your husband’s infidelity issue.
    You, teena the bonkers woman – i just want to ask, how would you know i’m a spinster without even knowing my status? That just again shows you are in need of psychiatric help – you just jump to conclusions on the surface, just like you jump to conclusions that every married woman will eventually (and you ill-fully hoped) suffer the same fate like you…
    Go get yourself a REAL life..then perhaps you could turn out to be a better person from your existing psycho self now!

  60. I pity you lah Maya, the friends you have reflect the person you are.
    LCSM, thanks for your support (I dont think Maya will publish this..she doesnt like others supporting us)
    mary…I think you just described yourself in your last comment.
    Dont write blogs if you want to perasan people stalk lah…its not a popularity contest. You donkeys write blogs for people to read kan? So everyone who comes to defend their points is a stalker? you reveal all in your blogs then expect people not to profile the writer to see if he/she experinced enough to talk abt the things they write and who they are.
    jangan perasan lah. So juvenile lah your friends<Maya.

  61. @teena: Your comment seems derogatory when you said (quote) “someone proposes “women’s welfare centre”, Unicef…oh God, almost peed laughing…ya maybe they can do basket weaving also and sell from mamak stall to mamak stall or juai keropok.” (unquote). Really, do you take every comment as a personal attack upon yourself? i wasn’t aiming to attack you with my comment.
    BUT…. i am taking YOUR comment as a personal assault on MY earlier comment and against basket weavers and people “juai keropok”.
    What’s so wrong about Women’s Welfare Centre and UNICEF? Is basket weaving and having a side-stall anything to be ashamed off? Coz your comment indicates disdain of women who resort to these measures. At least they are trying to make an honest living and are doing their best, using available means to support themselves. Anywez, basket weaving is sooo…last season. (sarcasm intended) Cooking courses, baking courses, business courses, teaching courses are also provided by other welfare organizations. I’m just stating the facts. I’m not saying you HAVE to accept my opinion. If staying is the ideal choice for you, that’s good. If walking away suits you better, than by all means go ahead. The decisions you make are your own responsibility.
    Oh yes….children ARE susceptible to trauma whether it comes from a broken family or a dysfunctional family. They won’t fall to pieces but they will always shadowed by the trauma. We cannot discard such probabilities. If the child is able to cope, the parent won’t have to worry much about psychological effects. But if he doesn’t, well….it’s a vicious-cycle. “Bohsias (really…who uses such terms nowadays???) and druggies are not mainly kiddies from single-parent families. Rich kids, poor kids, kids from dysfunctional families are all susceptible to bad influences.
    Cheating once is more than enough for a man to destroy his family. Did he think much about the consequences before he strayed, i wonder. So why do some women think that by walking away from their cheating spouse, they’re walking away from their family and children? It is the cheating spouse whom landed the killing blow, not the person whom walked away.
    However, I do salute the women who stayed in these situations coz it takes a very forgiving woman to stand by her cheating man. (NO SARCASM INTENDED here) It also takes alot of patients and understanding to slowly rebuild the trust they have lost. A relative of mine also stayed by her cheating man and overlooked his philandering ways for years. I will never understand why she did what she did. It makes my blood boil to see this abomination being done to such a caring and gentle woman. But regardless of what i think of her decision, i still love her. Becoz she has decided to stay, i could only pray that her husband would finally open his eyes and come to his senses. As a last resort, i believe that what goes around, comes around. Cheating spouses beware!

  62. Eh, eh .. Oh boy ! The self-proclaimed godly woman teena bonkers is still on a menopausal rampage ah? Aiyoyo, but then, yeah, that’s what normally bitter old hags do (since she says people here who disagree with her are juveniles)…
    Wah, can call all bloggers donkeys wor…hahaha, she is so sure one fine day she won’t be itched to be a ‘donkey’ blogger herself wor… Well, there’s nothing wrong when you want to ‘profile’ (using your choice of word – which sound as if like you are a police profiling people – oh, I forgot, you’re a psycho, oh nvm..) a blogger but is there a need to be vicious in your comments? Can’t you disagree nicely in the first place? That’s what people are trying to tell you here.
    Haih…but what’s the point explaining to you, your skull is too thick to understand sensible words…
    Keep harping on you got insulted, then what about when you hope and cant wait – on us other married women to get your bitter experience as well just so you can prove ur point – isn’t that an ill insult to us as well ?? An insult also to your integrity as a person, as a woman, as a daughter, as a mother too.
    I pity you lah, teena, the way you choose to talk and portray yourself here, reflects the person with a horrible character you are…
    Actually, the more u comment, the more u show us your mental and emotional instability and the more entertaining it gets for all of us…yup, pls comment more, teena bonkers…feel free to make yourself the butt of the joke with you as the joker and make us laugh more and us enjoying your stupidity in ur your pitiful comedy here – free of charge..
    Oh yes, people like you, teena, who had condemned this blog but still want to come back here again and again to check n comment – IS definitely a stalker !

  63. dezy,
    1. you know how we teach children “don’t talk to any strangers”. It’s blanket advise. Assume all strangers are bad first until proven. Young and unmarried women must know that ALL men will cheat one way or another given the opportunity – until proven.
    2.don’t under estimate to power of sex. don’t put your (woman) attitude toward sex and expect men to have that same attitude toward sex. yes, men can be robotic when it comes to sex.
    3. young and unmarried women must not think they are the exceptional – that unlike others they are the lucky one to have met a perfect man. Assume that you are one of the majority of women whose husband will cheat. That way you will be prepared mentally and physically when it happen.
    4. love, trust can be broken but also know that human has a way to mend and regain these things.
    5. be practical -love yourselves but also think about others around you.
    6. when there is a problem in the relationship, don’t seek outside advise. settle it between the 2 of you. outsiders don’t see the full picture.

  64. Dezy, good question. (be careful ade org gila mengamuk tu, nama Marysomething…raving lunatic, but if you ignore her you will be safe…hehe)
    1. keep your job/or at least a source of work at home income (Im all for mums at home and not Indon maid surrogates)
    2. dont trust your hubby 100 percent (this is from a marriage /sex therapist with 30 years experience)
    3. make sure you take care of yourself in terms of appearance and make sure he does too (this is where i would make sure you get a cleaner so you have more time to rest and do some girly stuff and look pretty (for yurself n him) coz mum and fulltime hsewife does not equal scruffy maid and you do not want a boroi joker parked on your couch too..women too stray for many reasons…)
    4. spend time together like once a week, leave the kids with trusted family and go out on date with hubby
    5. never take sex for granted wth hubby
    6.never bring single friends to your house/women are such sluts even your own friends (that’s reality) and men being men, no matter how saintly…over time…hmmmm.
    7.make sure you hash out financial/working agreements before you tie the knot…women are entitled to an allowance if they quit their jobs to become fulltime moms and for muslims, you can make a prenup for what happens in case of plygamy so you dont have to turun naik mahkamah,
    8.make sure you know hubby’s assets, mutual assets..have a joint account, but also have your own, private nest egg, separate. Start saving from NOW. So if you DO decide to leave, money wont be an issue.
    9. never bail out at first sign of trouble/affair…take stock of yourself, your kids, your situation…i would suggest going for counselling together to rid yourselves of all hurt and vent in a safe place with an experienced referee. never let out in front of kids or in laws or others
    10. in the end…ask yourself what YOU want, ask kids what THEY want, what HE wants, what you as a family wants…and not what PEOPLE/OUTSIDERS/RABID FEMINISTS/PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE want.
    Live with that decision and dont look back.
    NOt all men are serial cheaters/want out. Some remain good husbands and dads…so you decide..weigh your options not your ego.
    We are all human.

  65. Dezy…forgot one thing:
    always keep your individuality…dont smother husband by being joined at the hip like Maya’s example..give each other space, have common interests AS WELL as some things on your own/your own friends/interests…so if and ever the union breaks apart and u decide to leave…you still have your identity as an individual…that is one of the hardest parts…trying to create a new identity when you have been together for so long and practically crapping in each other’s company 🙂

  66. Dear beenthere,
    Wow you sure have good language skills! You can even use my husband’s surname to pun your writings! Ha! Ha! But I won’t be angry with you cos I know you have so much frustrations inside of you that needs venting out. But you have only writing skills but not reading skills. If you do read my previous comments properly, you will note that in no way did I mention that I will surely walk out if my husband cheats on me – I said should it happen to me I hope that I will have the strength to walk out cos whatever the situation infidelity is definitely a ‘No, No’. And my beef is still the same ” women stay because they are weak and weakness is not a sin – it is just a very sad fact!’


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