Big Fat Frog Jumping About

Was having lunch the other day (yes, yes, I seem to be having lunches ever so often….but then again, that’s me. I think food and me and conversation just flow) with my KL aunt. Let’s call her Auntie J (yeah, I have to protect some people’s identities here, especially if they’re not mine). Auntie J is the ultimate advertiser’s dream come true. She is. She is the Penangite who works in KL and has infused so much of KL culture that she says watching Penangites in action makes her squirm.
Auntie J is one of my favourite aunts, out of the four aunts that I have on the paternal side. She’s also the youngest and perhaps the one most spoiled in the family. But then again, she’s also one of the most fun people I know. She used to buy lovely trinkets and make up for me when I was young. She used to regale my sisters and I with tales of her overseas trips and we used to listen, wide-eyed at her jaunts abroad.
Now, Auntie J was telling me over lunch that she was most definitely pissed with a particular slimming centre in KL. For the record, Auntie J is not obese or anything. She’s just a little on the plump side. Perfectly understandable really considering that her job is desk-bound and that she’s a total work freak. She’ll be in the office as early as 7am and never leave until 7-ish.
She has a little spare tyre here and some fat there but I think she’s okay given that she’s not really tall.
But here’s the thing: in KL, if you’re not petite or slim, there’s supreme peer pressure to conform. When you see young ciku’s or SYT (sweet young things) clad in absolutely teeny weeny baby tees (eh, for babies more like it), you start thinking if you’re fat. Well, fat is relative really. I am reminded of a Garfield comic strip aeons ago. The fat orange cat said he wasn’t fat. It depended whom or rather which group of cats he hung out with. With fatter cats, he was just nice for his size.
Anyway, Auntie J said she bought an RM18 voucher from this slimming centre located in Lot 10. For RM18, one could try the full body treatment course. Droves of women, young and old alike, were attracted by this offer.
So Auntie J arrived at the centre, and presented her voucher. The girl asks Auntie J to strip to her undies and stand in front of the mirror, before she steps onto the scale.
“But you know, there was something really wrong with the mirror! At home I knew I didn’t look that fat. But when you stand in front of that mirror you suddenly see all these hidden areas!”
Then the wrap begins. And you start sweating of course. After all that sweating, you would have lost some water and maybe the scales go down another 200gm. Maaaayyyybe.
Girl prods Auntie J to sign up for more wraps. Prods her for 40 wraps and some detox treatments. In the end, my aunt signed up for RM1,000 worth of wraps. Even though I know she doesn’t need them. Of course I think the more wraps she signs up for, the more commission the girl gets.
So like the Cantonese say, “where got such a big frog hopping about on the road?” (errmm…I hope I got my translation right…my Cantonese is also going to the dogs these days..I can assure you it sounds much nicer in Canto lingo). In English, it means that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Do NOT be fooled into thinking that RM18 is all you’re paying for a treatment that costs hundreds. That is just the “aperitif” for more to come.
In a sense I am glad I am not fat. I may have fat around my tummy from sitting around but I am definitely not the kind the slimming centres want to have. But then again, Auntie J was telling me, a number of young slim girls were also going for the treatments. I guess slimming centres can sell ice to the Eskimo. Just tell the slim girl that she has fat thighs or flabby arms or sagging butt and she’ll probably agree (after seeing herself in the ‘magic mirror’) and she’ll part with some cash. With a little prodding such as “Why not? You should look good for your Husband/Boyfriend”, girls who think that beauty is the only one thing men look for will fall for any liposuction and botox, hook line and sinker.
Hello? How about getting the Husband or Boyfriend to look GOOD for you? Hmmmm? How’s that for a change?