If I Had A Magic Wand…

I started off wanting to fill my Saturday with a hatful of projects – some undone, some halfway through, some just biting at my ankles for want of getting started.
Then I decided, to heck with it. I will reclaim my Saturday.
I will give myself a break today. I’ve been working really hard. I’ve had my fingers in too many pots I believe. So much so I am promising myself to take it easy for 2010.
I’m not grumbling.
This year has been exceptional for me. I’ve done many things, accomplished much and put my whole heart and soul out there.
But sometimes, people take advantage of the kind and nurturing Piscean that I am. And then, this amiable woman gets really mad. When I am cross, I am not a Piscean. I turn into my Chinese zodiac, a Tiger. I can growl, I can hiss and I can definitely play hardball if I need to. Just don’t let the Tiger flash her stripes. It’s not a beautiful thing.
I’ve also become a lot more attuned to what I truly want. I suppose that comes with growing older. One starts to reflect on oneself a lot more. Next year, I will be 36. It’s not even frightening anymore. I thought I would rebel at Age, spit at it even with each impending birthday. But I don’t.
Oh sure, I get my share of white hair (whoever gets grey hair???), I think I see some wrinkles here and there on my face (horrors) and I keep slathering body lotion all over just to keep my skin smooth like taufufah.
BUT.
But I would never turn back the clock. Knowing what I know now, I know that the process or the journey is just as crucial as the destination. Sure, I’ve had strange battles with my family at some point in my life. Sure, I’ve done madly. I’ve had to go through some odd phases in my life.
But would I have done it any differently if I had a magic wand and could go back and change my history?
No.
Not one bit.
Not ever.
Because all those experiences, bitter, happy, joyful, exhilarating, traumatic, made me. It made me into who I am today. Someone who is deeply contented and often grateful for the beauty that Life serves her.
Someone who is able to look at life a lot more squarely in the eye now.
Someone who is able to enjoy the journey as well as the destination.
Someone who is able to appreciate that her own unique journey is hers and hers to hold close to her heart.
Someone who can watch and learn at any point in time and put away the stubborn ego (yes, I can be quite stubborn if I chose to be).
I believe I write best when I am most relaxed, most at peace. When I struggle to write, it means I have conflicts unresolved.
In many ways, I started this blog to chronicle my personal journeys. I started this to remind myself to write. I didn’t start this to blog for money. None of that rubbish. It’s a sacred space for me to pour my thoughts into, allow them to crystallize and allow me to smile at them with genuine love once in a while as I re-read them.
If you’ve come by and read what I wrote and it made you THINK, then that would have been the accolade I’ve deserved. We all try to change the world in our own ways and my way is through the pen and now through the keyboard – to a blog.
If you could help change someone’s life for the better, do it. Do it in a way that makes you happy too. I know I am happiest when I am writing and my writing has lifted, helped, assuaged or even provoked someone to change for the better.
That is why for 2010 I am focusing on using my writing for better ends. What about you? What are you planning for 2010? Incidentally it is the Year of the Tiger.
My year.

15 thoughts on “If I Had A Magic Wand…”

  1. Good for you! I only began to realise all these when I turned 50! Don’t waste time on the “could have, would have, if only” there is so much more to experience out there!

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  2. yeah, your blog did make me think and provokes me….hehehe. thanks. but hor, u still hv not tell us what u did for your reclaimed saturday wor….lol. makan ker? chill out ker? berenang ker?? main kucing ker?? LOL.

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    • Haha, I went out and shopped for my house! Long time never berenang d. My cat is always semput after a bout of chasing her up and down the hall. So not fun to play with and I get scratched when she forgets to retract her claws. Makan? Biasalah. This is Penang you know.

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  3. I kept reading all your Penang articles hoping to come across someone I once knew. I am am old Xavatian in the 60s. I am now living in Seremban but return to Penang every year for cheng beng and the CNY. Once you live in Penang, its in your blood, you are always a Penangite. I really do miss the good old Penang ferry, the tram bus,…. so many memories. We shared the playing field with Convent Light Street too. I played hockey at Free School and trained the Green Lane girls hockey team.

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    • Hi Sonny: Thanks for being a reader of my blog. It means a lot to me. My dad was from St Xavier’s – anyone who is from SXI has that pride in their school. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I remember my dad and his brothers reminiscing about a teacher called Lao Hor (Old Tiger). Do you know of that teacher? My dad is your age – he is 68 this year. Perhaps you were classmates or knew of each other? Yes, Penang was in my blood so much so that I loved my school holidays in Penang and I used to cry whenever we started our journey back to Selangor! I would miss Penang terribly and couldn’t wait for the next school break to come along when my dad would pack us into his old deep green Mazda and drive us all back using (in those days) the coastal roads. The journey would take almost 7 hours sometimes. Ah, Convent Light. That’s where my mom used to school. It’s a known fact that SXI boys used to date CLS girls ;-). I was supposed to come back to St George’s for my Form 6 but in the end, didn’t. I did come back eventually when I applied for USM.

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  4. hi Maya, Thanks for your response. Initially i joined the British group Saga blog but there was no response although it is an active blog in Britian. Then I came across your blog and found it quite interesting.
    I think the Lao Hor could be Brother Charles. I’m 58, about 10 years junior to your dad. I did have a good time in SXI as it was a very open minded school. It was more liberal and mature because we had the Form 6 girls to keep us in place.
    In the afternoon I would cycle to the Chinese swimming club at Tanjung Bunga to go for a swim. I can’t imagine that I actually did that as we lived in Butterworth. Ther was still the customs check point then where we had to declare all the purchases from Penang.
    Do stop me or tell me off if I’m writing too much about the old times as it could be boring to you or your readers. I find this exciting as I am able to communicate with someone who actually find it amusing.
    cherrioo!!!

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    • Hi Sonny: Thanks for continuing to feed my little curiosity about SXI and all that. I am thinking of writing more about my genealogy partly because my dad is Sening (a branch of Cantonese) and this dialect is rarely spoken now by the younger generation (those in their 20s). And in your case, I would like to know more about what it was like in Penang back then when you were a student. Stories like these are worth knowing. Please share!

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