MayaKirana

If I Had A Magic Wand…

Posted on 31. Oct, 2009 by Maya in Musings

I started off wanting to fill my Saturday with a hatful of projects – some undone, some halfway through, some just biting at my ankles for want of getting started.

Then I decided, to heck with it. I will reclaim my Saturday.

I will give myself a break today. I’ve been working really hard. I’ve had my fingers in too many pots I believe. So much so I am promising myself to take it easy for 2010.

I’m not grumbling.

This year has been exceptional for me. I’ve done many things, accomplished much and put my whole heart and soul out there.

But sometimes, people take advantage of the kind and nurturing Piscean that I am. And then, this amiable woman gets really mad. When I am cross, I am not a Piscean. I turn into my Chinese zodiac, a Tiger. I can growl, I can hiss and I can definitely play hardball if I need to. Just don’t let the Tiger flash her stripes. It’s not a beautiful thing.

I’ve also become a lot more attuned to what I truly want. I suppose that comes with growing older. One starts to reflect on oneself a lot more. Next year, I will be 36. It’s not even frightening anymore. I thought I would rebel at Age, spit at it even with each impending birthday. But I don’t.

Oh sure, I get my share of white hair (whoever gets grey hair???), I think I see some wrinkles here and there on my face (horrors) and I keep slathering body lotion all over just to keep my skin smooth like taufufah.

BUT.

But I would never turn back the clock. Knowing what I know now, I know that the process or the journey is just as crucial as the destination. Sure, I’ve had strange battles with my family at some point in my life. Sure, I’ve done madly. I’ve had to go through some odd phases in my life.

But would I have done it any differently if I had a magic wand and could go back and change my history?

No.

Not one bit.

Not ever.

Because all those experiences, bitter, happy, joyful, exhilarating, traumatic, made me. It made me into who I am today. Someone who is deeply contented and often grateful for the beauty that Life serves her.

Someone who is able to look at life a lot more squarely in the eye now.

Someone who is able to enjoy the journey as well as the destination.

Someone who is able to appreciate that her own unique journey is hers and hers to hold close to her heart.

Someone who can watch and learn at any point in time and put away the stubborn ego (yes, I can be quite stubborn if I chose to be).

I believe I write best when I am most relaxed, most at peace. When I struggle to write, it means I have conflicts unresolved.

In many ways, I started this blog to chronicle my personal journeys. I started this to remind myself to write. I didn’t start this to blog for money. None of that rubbish. It’s a sacred space for me to pour my thoughts into, allow them to crystallize and allow me to smile at them with genuine love once in a while as I re-read them.

If you’ve come by and read what I wrote and it made you THINK, then that would have been the accolade I’ve deserved. We all try to change the world in our own ways and my way is through the pen and now through the keyboard – to a blog.

If you could help change someone’s life for the better, do it. Do it in a way that makes you happy too. I know I am happiest when I am writing and my writing has lifted, helped, assuaged or even provoked someone to change for the better.

That is why for 2010 I am focusing on using my writing for better ends. What about you? What are you planning for 2010? Incidentally it is the Year of the Tiger.

My year.