Is there anything in particular that peeves you to no end? I have. I have a long list of what I don’t like. Not because I am an old biddy with nothing to do but compile lists, but because I think human beings are the oddest creatures on earth.
Topping this list is the something which has no name. It’s a sickness called marriagitus. If you are single, it won’t attack you. You’re safe. But if you’re hitched, or planning to get hitched anytime soon, it will cleave onto you and never leave. Unless you’re of strong will and independent spirit. Marriagitus strikes most people. Women particularly though I have a male friend who shows symptoms of this sickness.
Marriagitus means irritating half the world with some married folk quirks which only married people understand. But I am married and I STILL don’t get this stupidity (yes, this sickness is plain stupidity).
One perfect example – I know this girl from my uni days. I also know her husband because he was a senior when we were freshmen. Let’s say his name is Alex and the girl is Lindy (I am not mad, I don’t want to be sued for using real names). Well, Lindy and Alex got married and nowadays, Lindy refers to Alex as “my husband”. Of course, I could be nitpicking but we know who she is referring to, so why not just come clean and say “Alex thinks…” or “Alex says…”? Instead, I mentally want to ‘cekik’ her when she says “My husband says…”.
If I am in a conversation with friends and I need to say something, I’d come right out and say “Nic says this…”. I have no problem with saying “my husband” but to me, it’s much clearer and easier to understand. At least, those friends who don’t know will then know that my other half is Nic.
Marriagitus also means some people will think as one. That’s taking things a bit too far in my book at least. Just because we promise till death do us part does not mean we cannot do things by ourselves, or think independently. Or that we simply MUST do things as a couple. Another example of this is the below phone conversation we had with a friend one Saturday morning.
“Wanna have breakfast? How about roti canai at Pelita in 30 minutes’ time?” Nic asked.
This friend hesitated. “Wait ah, let me ask Elsie (that’s his wife) is she’s okay with roti canai.”
I am stumped. If Nic wanted to have roti canai with him, and if I don’t, I’ll tell Nic to go ahead – I’ll just have what I want to have. Sometimes if he wants to hang out with his buddies, and I want to get some early shut-eye, I tell him to go ahead. Just because we are married does not mean we have to do everything together! Can anyone tell me why this happens to married folk?
I think keeping one’s individuality in a marriage is important to keep everyone happy, pleasant and sane. I enjoy my own company and sometimes I just want to be with my girlfriends. I don’t want Nic around 24/7. That would drive me crazy. And he would be driven crazy too if he is with me every single day.
When I told a friend that I was back home alone visiting my parents and sister, she was surprised.
“But why?” She almost wailed. (This woman is very, very married.)
“Because I want to,” I replied.
Another friend asked me pointedly if there’s anything wrong when I told her I might be attending her wedding by myself.
“No, silly. I’m your friend and I’ll attend because I know you. And just because I am married does not mean I have to drag my husband here and have him bored to bits.”
This also happened to Nic once when he went home to Kuching one year for Chinese New Year without me (I was celebrating it here in Penang with my relatives). His relatives were shocked. To them, it was unacceptable and my disappearance possibly meant we had some mysterious quarrel between us!
screw marriagitus people. parasites and one who does not hv a stance. lol.
I get quite confused when I read this latest blog of yours. You know my situation and I am the proverbial, “been there, done that”. Two sides to a coin. For those who are uninitiated (unmarried), you will never understand. I used to practice signing my new name over and over again (changed my name to follow husband’s surname) and was proud of it. Then, I missed my ‘missy’ status and was back to that when my divorce fell through. I guessed the married ones do that cos they want to and cos they are proud of that status. Not that they intentionally want to irritate the hell out of anyone. It is their issue and theirs alone. Well, the other side of the coin contends with being ‘interdependent’ rather than ‘dependent’ or ‘independent’. It is a combination of both words. When I am with my partner, we are dependent and vice-versa when we are apart. He’s a foreigner by the way. The relationship works well this way. Bottom line just be happy with whatever situation that you are in. There are ups and downs in either situation.
Maybe you’re like me…my kids’ kindy school teacher keep insisting on calling me Mrs. Tan. I repeated to them many times already…please, please….just call me Marsha. They smile and say that it’s SCHOOL POLICY!! I mean, what happens is I am divorced or is a single mother? Wouldn’t that be strange is I am forced to be called Mrs. Maung? I can’t be married to either my brother or father!! 🙂
Anyway, I support you all the way, gurl!! Married people are human beings too and they should have and keep their own personal space. Personal space is very precious to me because it’s so hard to come by with the kids and husband around almost all the time. I need time to be with me and unwind, read, write and do the things that I like to do. It’s a really important part of living. You’re not supposed to MERGE with your partner after getting married! And you don’t stop being a human being after you’ve become a mom!
As with what Kate said, it’s true as well. There has got to be a balance. But I find that during the initial stages, a couple would REPORT to each other whenever they can. But after a while, you can sort of read each other’s minds and give each other the space they need.
Anyway….whatever works, as I always say.